Working with a New Look

Dear Blog,

I'm glad you're working correctly again. I'm glad your page loads correctly now. I'm diggin' the new look with the pic from one of my very favorite places! I'm excited to see what's in store for us!


-Me

Natural Response.

The term "fight or flight" comes from our reaction to our sympathetic nervous system. Without getting all crazy science girl on you, this is how our body runs or fights from any kind of harmful attack.

Outside the medical world, it's how you react to life. I've always been a fighter. I will fight for what I want until the bitter end. Even if I'm losing, it's hurting, or there's no hope, I will fight. I do this because I believe in the cause. I do not quit. With that said, this time around, I wanna take the "flight" option. I still in no way will give up. However, it may be time to just take a different route. For the first time, I think the one I'm on isn't worth it. I'm tired of fighting for something I'm unsure and not confident in. I can't go into battle thinking it's not worth fighting for.

Thunderstorms

Thunderstorms are no stranger to New Mexico. They make their grand entrances close to every other day (sometimes every day). The power they have is like nothing else. The roaring through the mountains is incredible. It literally shakes the ground of the Rocky Mountains that I am currently living in and walking on each day. The rumble reminds me of how incredibly small I am. Compared to thunder, I am nothing. At my loudest (which is pretty dang loud), I can't even be heard for a mile. Yet, thunder is heard from miles and and miles away. At my highest jump, I couldn't be felt 3 feet away. You can feel the roll of thunder for miles as well. It's pretty amazing to me. Even though I am so small, I am seen as utter greatness in His eyes.

Thunder also reminds me how great God is. In Job, His voice is compared to thunder. How though it is so powerful, it is majestic.

"After that comes the sound of his roar; he thunders with his majestic voice. When his voice resounds, he holds nothing back. God's voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding." Job 37:4-5"

Although he is good, His power is scary. There is absolutely no way we can control it and i think that's part of what makes it so unnerving. Just like thunder.

What Do I Know Of Holy?

HOLY: exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness.

I know nothing about being this. I am far from goodness OR righteousness. I'll be the first to admit my life has been far, very far from perfection. I recognize that it will never be perfect. As amazing as it would be to have a perfect life, I'm am completely OK with it not being that way. It allows me to find myself. It allows me to grasp the little I can of what being holy really and truly is. It allows to passionately seek the one who is holy.

Inspired by "What do I know of Holy?'

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees


What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?

-Addison Road

Another Home

I really have a lot to write about. Between finals, packing my apartment, leaving Riverside, being home for a week, and going to New Mexico, my life has seemed like a giant whirlwind. Let’s start with being back in New Mexico. I am once again working in Glorieta, Nm for the summer. Really, there is no place like it anywhere. I never get tired of seeing the majestic mountains or sunsets. The rain and thunder storms are amazing and never cease to amaze me. I’m back with many of the full time staff and even other summer staffers that I grew to love last year. I was welcomed back immediately by my little 5 year old friend who knew exactly who I was. She knew she could count on me to let her color in my coloring book or play with her just about any time.

When I’m here, I feel so good. Good about who I am and what I’m doing in life. I feel connected to this place. In a weird way, I feel like I’m home. No matter how long it’s been since my last visit I will be welcomed back with open arms. I’m so comfortable here. I know the grounds, I know who to call if I have a problem, I know that I will always be taken care of here. Even though I am nowhere close to my actual home or family, being here just feels right.

Needin' Some Z's

It’s 1:40 in the morning, why can’t I go to sleep? The sound of the train and my fan should be lulling me to sleep and somehow I’m still wide freaking awake. Not being able to go to sleep is so frustrating. I’ve listened to music and read; things that usually help me go to sleep, but they are just aiding the insomnia tonight. I guess I know what’s keeping me awake, the stress and incredibly uneasy feeling I’ve had is finally catching up to me. Being uneasy and not at peace with life is probably one of the most disturbing feelings. At first I noticed it was on my mind a lot more. Then it was in my thoughts a little bit more. Now, I can’t think of anything but it. I’m just not comfortable with the decision. Not only is it internally painful, but now it’s keeping me awake. Awesome. Tough decisions need to be made and feelings may be hurt, both which are things I generally try to avoid at all costs. Ugh. When it’s done, the weight inside me will be lifted and I will finally be able to catch some Z’s.

Fear of Losing It

Needless to say, I have been pretty horrible at blogging lately. My love for writing has not changed, it’s just every time I go to write the thoughts that overflow my mind I am not ready to put to paper yet. I feel like things are real once they are there for the world to see. I need to push through the “writer’s block” and keep going. Just a little at a time. I fear if I stop that I may lose my love for writing. I will lose a part of who I am. So, with that said, more blogs are soon to come.