Passion without Action

Part of my passion is seeing the lives of youth (especially girls) be completely and utterly changed by God. I think a part of that is because during my time as a youth in church, my life was constantly all over the place. I pretended to play the church game, and really I had no part in it, and didn’t want to. Quite frankly, I thought a lot of it was stupid. Obviously, my thoughts have changed, but during those times is when I first had my own thoughts about who God was. I was always told I needed to “make my faith my own” and while it took me a long time to get things right, it all started then. Those years were fragile and have made me the person I am today. The leaders I had saw through my naiveté and loved me anyway. They pushed and challenged me. Many of those leaders are people that I still look up to and admire today. They hold a very special place in my heart for. I trusted them because they were once in the same place I was. They listened; they talked, and were there for me.

When I started college at SFSU and lived in my hometown, I helped lead the Jr. High and led a bible study with girls at my church. I loved it. I knew that teaching, investing, and living life with younger girls was a passion I had been given. I felt like I was doing something right, that it was what I was supposed to be doing. I was investing in girls and listened to them, talked with them, just like people had done to me. I was someone who understood the pain that they were enduring and who could tell them that things really do get better, because I was once where they stood. It gave me such energy and joy to see the girls’ lives being changed. I still get joy when I talk to them now. When I moved to Riverside, I obviously had to give that all up. I went from my close group of girls, to nothing, and in all honesty, it sucked. I miss them, I miss being there for them during such crucial years, and I miss helping them learn about the one and only thing that matters in life. I have yet to find a church here where I can really do that, and that frustrates me. I have this passion and I can’t find a place to use it.

Bump, Bump...

I hit a little bit of a bump. Last week was one of the most stressful weeks I have ever had, and it definitely got the better of me. Every aspect of the week was difficult, relationships, school, and just life in general. I seemed to have to work 10 x harder to do anything, and I just didn’t have the motivation to do it. Therefore, I hit the bump. I don’t let my emotions get the best of me very often, but over the weekend I totally did. Every little thing seemed to pile up: homework, my computer crashing, stupid people, and locking my keys in my car. I seemed to just breakdown from all the thigns going on. I am physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted from it all. I am generally an optimistic person and when that flips to being a pessimist, it just makes me more upset. I’m ready to move on and get past this little bump. I’m for a better week and to have my emotions and outlook on life back to normal.

Two Down...

I have now completed 2 weeks as a nursing student. Whew. I prepared myself for this transition and thus far, while it has been completely overwhelming at times, it has also been 2 amazing weeks. I’m doing and learning things that I actually care about. There’s something about telling people that I’m a nursing student that oddly enough makes me proud. My brain if often mush, I am tired all of the time, I said goodbye to my social life, but I love it. To be honest, I expected these first couple weeks to be a lot harder than they have been. I’m hanging in and surviving, taking things one step at a time. I can’t do everything at once. So if this is the week where everything hits the fan…remind me to slow down and take it one step at a time.

Peace out 2010

2010 has officially come and gone. Like every year, it came with some wonderful times but it definitely came with its challenges too. Here is what 2010 looked like for me:

January

I started my second semester at CBU. I turned 20 and celebrated my birthday for the first time really away from home. I felt the love of my sister, roommates, and friends as they all helped celebrate with me. Even some epic music videos were made. I also learned that I was not allowed to apply for the School on Nursing at CBU which put my school plans up in the air and had me feeling a little discouraged.

February

A guy attempted to break into my apartment while I was there and somehow I shoved him out the door and got him into a bit of trouble. It led to all sorts of craziness, even my parents making the long drive down to Riverside to make sure I was ok. I helped my sister celebrate her birthday with all of her roomies and friends.

March

I warmly welcomed Spring Break in the midst of an insane semester. I welcomed a new baby cousin into the world and a cousin by a wonderful marriage. I was reunited with one of my good friends, Karen that I met at Glorieta in the summer. My roomies and I went through a difficult few weeks, but in the ends I think it helped bond us closer together.

April

The semester was coming to a close and the craziness of it definitely increased. I spent Easer break hanging out/taking care of a sick roomie by watching a wild amount of movies. I spent my first Easer away from home, however, I was invited to spend the day with one of my very best friends and her family. School wrapped up which meant as many Disneyland trips as I could fit in.

May
I got to see and celebrate my older sister graduating from college. A week after school ended, I left to go spend the summer in one of my favorite places in the whole world, Glorieta, NM. I was reunited with some of my favorite people and met some new friends who quickly became favorites.

June

I got to make a quick trip back to CA to see my little sister graduate from highschool. I went to the ABQ “aquarium” and zoo with some of my new friends and even had an epic dance party in the Washeteria fit with glow sticks and laundry carts.

July

I really took in all that I could at Glorieta. The amazing worship, the solitude, and the wonderful friendships I was making. I celebrated Western night and “Christmas in July” with my NM family with stockings, a gift exchange, and Christmas ornaments. All nighters in the lobby became frequent just to enjoy one another’s company. I saw my first bear that wasn’t in a zoo, then my second and third. Bear hunting became another regular.

August

It was a hard month. I once again had to say goodbye to my favorite place and some of favorite people. It was another amazing summer filled with new and amazing friendships, new self discoveries, and new passions. Leaving NM was one of the most emotional experiences ever. I failed, I got bad news, got good news, and passed. I moved back to Riverside and was reunited with my amazing friends there. I turned in my nursing school application.

September

I started a new year at CBU and had incredibly mixed emotions about being there. I wanted my friends, but wanted nothing to do with the school. I missed my family, my summer pals, and NM. Going to Disneyland as much as possible definitely helped. After a difficult month, I got some of the best news of my life…I was accepted into nursing school!

October

I flew home to surprise my mom and sisters. I spent a wonderful weekend with them and seeing many of the people I loved and missed form home. When I was in Riverside, I missed home more than I ever have before. I celebrated friends’ birthdays with a bon fire and a special dinner.

November

The days for Thanksgiving break were getting closer. I spent an amazing and relaxing day at Disneyland decorated in all its Christmas splendor. Thanksgiving break finally came and I got really sick. As much as it sucked, I was thankful my parents could take me to the ER, stay with me, and help take care of me.

December

The semester was coming to a close and I went to go see the lights at the Mission Inn. I had a many nights filled with incredible belly laughs. I celebrated an easy finals week at Disneyland and late night adventures. I came home for Christmas break to spend the longest time I had been home in about 2 years. It was been one of the most relaxing and wonderful times at home. I’ve celebrated, seen old friends, and gotten to spend some quality time with my family.

It was a year full of blessings and challenges. 2011 will bring many new adventures. I will start nursing school, turn 21, and be blessed in more ways than I can count. Alright, bring it on 2011!

Why I Celebrate

In the business that the Christmas season brings, I so often fall guilty at forgetting why I really celebrate Christmas. It is so easy for me to take in the baking, the gift buying, and the traditions and forget about everything else. Sometimes, I even get wrapped up in the painful memories that the season has brought since I was a little girl. All of these little excuses though, are just that…excuses to forget the reason I celebrate. As a believer in Christ, Christmas is a crucial part of what I believe. Every aspect of the Christmas story and what it means for me blows my mind; there’s no other way to describe it. Let me explain:

A virgin gave birth to the son of God. In case you didn’t know, that doesn’t just happen every day. Some probably thought she was crazy, others probably labeled her a whore; only a few knew what was really going on. She was told her son was the Messiah, but in the moment of his birth I’m sure she had no clue of his plans because he was just her baby boy who depended on her for all of his needs.

One of my favorite parts was how He came to earth. The Jews were looking for a big political figure to be their Savior. He could have come as a king with all the money and politics included, but he did not. He could have come with the power of a storm or a forest fire taking over the world, but once again he did not. He came to earth as a helpless baby who was born in a barn and placed in a feeding trough. This was birth that had been prophesized about. He was the struggling servant they had heard about and he was here to fulfill these prophesies. The timing for him was perfect. The One who the Jews had been waiting for didn’t just come for them; He came for all peoples, people of every nation and people group. He came in a way so humbling that it’s hard to fathom.

Most importantly, it’s hard to look at this birth without thinking about the cross. This is the boy, the king of the world, grew up and paid the price for me-for everyone. He willingly spread out his hand and was nailed to a cross for us. He was killed in the most gruesome way possible. He saved the world starting from that tiny feeding trough all the way to the cross.

Without this day, all of the other things I believe could never have taken place. It is on this day that the world was utterly changed. He left the throne of God to endure the pain and disgust of this awful place. He did it willingly. He did humbly. He did it perfectly.

You're Not so Little Anymore....

My love for you may be hidden in the way I give you a hard time, but secretly I think the world of you. I have never been protective over anyone like the way I am with you. I don’t ever want anything bad to happen to you. I want your dreams to come true and for you to fulfill the purpose you’ve been given. You have a huge heart and I can’t wait to see how else you’re going to use it for good in this world. I am proud of you and the person you are becoming. You’re not so little anymore and as sad as that makes me, I am so excited to see where the future takes us. I love that I can make you laugh with only one word and you can do the same for me. You try and see the good in everyone and have more passion than most people. I can’t get over how amazing you already are. Happy birthday, little one, I love you.

Thankful for the Little Things

I wrote this last year when I blogged for my school. I decided I needed a reminder of it this year too. So with a few changes here it is...

As we all know, life sometimes gets a little overwhelming. The smallest things start to really irritate us and bigger things are just pain to have to deal with. For me, it’s things like my full hamper of dirty clothes, having a lot of homework or my computer being a little slow. They may sound silly to you, but on a hard day, these are the things I get frustrated with. However, this time when I was beginning to get irritated, I realized that I to be thankful for those things. Here are some of the things that irritate me and what I have discovered about them. So, I am thankful for:

Having a hamper full of dirty clothes because I have clothes to wear. I can pick and choose what I wear every day. A day never goes by that go without clothes.

Having a lot of homework and studying to do because I get to go to school to further my dreams. I attend a university with a great nursing program that is going to train me to be an amazing nurse.

My computer being slow because I am blessed enough to have one. Not everyone can use facebook, do schoolwork, or blog whenever they want.

My old sweatshirt with a rip in it because it keeps me warm.

The parking spot the farthest away because I have two working legs and I can walk. I have a vehicle.

Not having enough time to call the people back who leave me messages because I have friends and family who love me and want to hear from me. They encourage me and stand by me.

My alarm that goes off too early for my liking because it means I am alive. I get to do life again each day.