LA 243

This time a year ago I remember exactly where I was. I remember how stressful a bad living situation is. I remember having meetings with our resident director and leaving feeling so incredibly discouraged. I remember contemplating packing up my car and moving back home because of the living situation I was in. After all the anger, frustration, and talking myself into sticking it out, I was finally moved into a new apartment.

I was so nervous to bring over my first load of belongings. Nobody wants an unknown 5th person in their apartment and I didn’t know if that was going to be evident in how they were going to treat me. I wanted the transition to be as painless as possible for them and for myself. As I walked in I was given a huge welcome from all the girls and remember what a huge relief that was. I knew this was going to work. I remember unpacking and how my new roommate, Jessica gave me the “low down” of the girls and the apartment. The girls were more welcoming than I could have ever imagined. They reorganized things to give me space, they let my life blend in with theirs, and most importantly they saw me as one of them.

I seriously could not have asked for better roommates. They were exactly what I needed. They saw the good, the bad, and the ugly about me. They were there when I was excited about life, when I was sick and puking my guts out, when I needed comfort, and when I wanted to break down and cry. Together we went through some amazing times but also through some very trying times. I do not consider these lovely ladies to just be my former roommates, they are also my family and some of my best friends. I know if I ever need something or someone to talk to, that they are there. They won’t just give me a sugar coated answer; they will give me the hard truth that I need to hear. The qualities they possess are rare to find in people. They are some of the most incredible and solid people I know. So Jessica, Tiffany, Desiree, Kristi, and Bradyn too, thank you for welcoming me into your lives with open arms and for becoming some of the best friends I have. You ladies are wonderful and I’m so thankful to be a part of your lives. I love you all.

A Little Nervy...

Tomorrow is possibly the biggest interview of my life. This is the final process to see if I will be in the nursing program at CBU. It decides not only the next semester and few years of my life, but also my future. I didn’t start to get nervous about it until sometime yesterday. Then I realized what a big deal it is and how much it really will affect my life. BAM! PRESSURE. I got nervous about the silly things like what outfit I would wear and if my mouth would get too dry to talk. Then I got nervous about the real stuff too. Will the things I want them to know about come across clearly in what I say, or will they be lost in my nervousness? Will I be the kind of nursing student they are looking for?

Good thing it won't be this bad ;)

Working with a New Look

Dear Blog,

I'm glad you're working correctly again. I'm glad your page loads correctly now. I'm diggin' the new look with the pic from one of my very favorite places! I'm excited to see what's in store for us!


-Me

Natural Response.

The term "fight or flight" comes from our reaction to our sympathetic nervous system. Without getting all crazy science girl on you, this is how our body runs or fights from any kind of harmful attack.

Outside the medical world, it's how you react to life. I've always been a fighter. I will fight for what I want until the bitter end. Even if I'm losing, it's hurting, or there's no hope, I will fight. I do this because I believe in the cause. I do not quit. With that said, this time around, I wanna take the "flight" option. I still in no way will give up. However, it may be time to just take a different route. For the first time, I think the one I'm on isn't worth it. I'm tired of fighting for something I'm unsure and not confident in. I can't go into battle thinking it's not worth fighting for.

Thunderstorms

Thunderstorms are no stranger to New Mexico. They make their grand entrances close to every other day (sometimes every day). The power they have is like nothing else. The roaring through the mountains is incredible. It literally shakes the ground of the Rocky Mountains that I am currently living in and walking on each day. The rumble reminds me of how incredibly small I am. Compared to thunder, I am nothing. At my loudest (which is pretty dang loud), I can't even be heard for a mile. Yet, thunder is heard from miles and and miles away. At my highest jump, I couldn't be felt 3 feet away. You can feel the roll of thunder for miles as well. It's pretty amazing to me. Even though I am so small, I am seen as utter greatness in His eyes.

Thunder also reminds me how great God is. In Job, His voice is compared to thunder. How though it is so powerful, it is majestic.

"After that comes the sound of his roar; he thunders with his majestic voice. When his voice resounds, he holds nothing back. God's voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding." Job 37:4-5"

Although he is good, His power is scary. There is absolutely no way we can control it and i think that's part of what makes it so unnerving. Just like thunder.

What Do I Know Of Holy?

HOLY: exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness.

I know nothing about being this. I am far from goodness OR righteousness. I'll be the first to admit my life has been far, very far from perfection. I recognize that it will never be perfect. As amazing as it would be to have a perfect life, I'm am completely OK with it not being that way. It allows me to find myself. It allows me to grasp the little I can of what being holy really and truly is. It allows to passionately seek the one who is holy.

Inspired by "What do I know of Holy?'

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees


What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?

-Addison Road

Another Home

I really have a lot to write about. Between finals, packing my apartment, leaving Riverside, being home for a week, and going to New Mexico, my life has seemed like a giant whirlwind. Let’s start with being back in New Mexico. I am once again working in Glorieta, Nm for the summer. Really, there is no place like it anywhere. I never get tired of seeing the majestic mountains or sunsets. The rain and thunder storms are amazing and never cease to amaze me. I’m back with many of the full time staff and even other summer staffers that I grew to love last year. I was welcomed back immediately by my little 5 year old friend who knew exactly who I was. She knew she could count on me to let her color in my coloring book or play with her just about any time.

When I’m here, I feel so good. Good about who I am and what I’m doing in life. I feel connected to this place. In a weird way, I feel like I’m home. No matter how long it’s been since my last visit I will be welcomed back with open arms. I’m so comfortable here. I know the grounds, I know who to call if I have a problem, I know that I will always be taken care of here. Even though I am nowhere close to my actual home or family, being here just feels right.