In Love.

I knew my life would be different after my time in South Asia. I knew the Lord would show, teach, and have me experience things I never could have imagined. I’m not exactly sure how to put that all into words yet though, but I’m working on it. What I am sure of though, is that the moment I stepped outside of the airport- sick to my stomach, hot, smelly air, flies and stray dogs everywhere- my life and my heart were changed. Not a day, or even more than a couple hours goes by that I don’t long for South Asia. My heart felt right there. I fell in love with the culture and especially with the people. I fell in love with telling people who live in such darkness about the only true hope, hope they’ve never even heard of.

We Are Family

When I took the prerequisite courses to get into the nursing program here at CBU, I knew it was only a small chapter in the journey to becoming a nurse.  Ever since that chapter closed, the next chapters have been the ones to shape me more than I ever thought possible.  I have had moments that I have felt such defeat and others where I felt an overwhelming sense of triumph. I am blessed to have many cheerleaders along the way in my journey to share with me in these moments.  However, no one can understand better than the people who are along in the journey with me.

Together we started this journey a year and a half ago, and somehow we have become a family. Especially since my family is so far, these are the people I go to, who “get” me.  I still have wonderful other friends whom I love fiercely, but there is just something about my nursing family.  These are the girls I go to when I feel defeated; when I think I can’t do this anymore.  They listen to the familiarity of my words as they have felt those feelings and experienced the heartache too. They are “my girls” (and some of my boys too). Just like a family, you go to different people for different needs. Specifically two of my girls, are some of my biggest encouragers. Whenever I feel inadequate to do this job, one quickly reminds me by saying, “you’re in this program for a reason.”  The other listens to me while telling me what a great nurse I'm going to be, and then distracts me from my frustrations. I can go to them in those moments and we can both be completely transparent. I am incredibly blessed to have them by my side.

Together these girls and I have been through some crazy things. We have literally worked through blood, sweat, and tears together. They see me at my most tired, crankiest, silliest, most stressed out self, and they love me anyway. We can cry and laugh together. We are halfway done with this program, and I am so thankful they are the ones next to me for the second half.

Let's try again

There’s something about blogging that just soothes my soul. Honestly sometimes I just don’t feel like I
have time for it when I don’t do all the other things I “need” to do or that “those”
feelings are not valid enough to share. Really though, I need to make time and
those feelings need to come out. So…Here I am, going to attempt to be better at
this….again

That Time of the Semester

I feel like I always hit this spot in the semester. It's that part where you're not sure you're gonna make it out the other side alive. That part of the semester where I would give anything to be home just for a couple hours to soak in my family and some good home cookin'. It's that time of the semester where I get too overwhelmed that my short coping mechanism walks turn into hours to de-stress. That part where I start to shut down and need the love and support of my family and friends to keep moving. I'm tired. I feel like I don't have time to do all the things I NEED to do (forget about what I want to do). Yet, I know that the part where I see light at the end of this dark semester is right around the corner.

The Hardest Place to Be

I left Glorieta a month ago, and as much as I hate it, life is back to being in the fast lane. Before I go forth with my whole summer update and what not, here is what’s going on in my life as of right now.

5 weeks ago you could’ve seen me without fail sitting outside my room at Glorieta in an old chair, looking at the mountains, reading the Word, and spending time with Him. I came to a point in my life where I was so confused about my life that every spare moment was consumed with trying to figure it out. I utterly needed to hear from Him and what His plans were for my life. I thought I wasn’t supposed to be a nurse after all. I came to the conclusion of, how could everything that lead up to being in a nursing program have been so difficult if that was what I was supposed to be doing? How could my first semester be perhaps the most trying, hardest 4 months of my life? To me, it clicked. Obviously, God’s will wouldn’t included me fighting to get in, and fighting to stay afloat once I was there. Someone told me that sometimes that’s what happens sometimes when you’re doing His will. I completely blew it off, because my “plan b” sounded SO good. I was to the point where returning to Riverside to continue made me want to puke. I was done with nursing.

I talked to my friends at Glorieta and nursing kept coming up. One of the groups had a giant heart in the auditorium and I decided to draw and label it (I’m a freak, I know). Even though I tried to run away from it, I was still interested in it. I thought back and remembered that sometimes the hardest place to be is in the center of God’s will. For me, now I thought that was to give up nursing. Was I willing to give it up in order to really fulfill His plan? I was still at a point where I had not heard from Him what I was supposed to do though. Every day I prayed to hear about His plan for me.

My prayer changed and I asked Him to literally slam the door to nursing in my face. Have loans fall through, be unable to get my clinical clearance; something, anything that would shut the door. I was still waiting on God to shout to me his plan, but in that time, He silently opened the first door I thought He would close. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that, yes, being in the center of God’s will is often the hardest place to be. And for me, that meant returning to Riverside and continuing with nursing school. I was so incredibly overwhelmed that in His own way, He spoke to me. Not in the shout I wanted, but a subtle whisper.

After being a little stubborn I submitted. I remembered that night over feeling so overwhelmed and loved. How could I want anything but His will for me? It feels right.

Tomorrow I leave once again for this place:

Considering this is the third summer I’m spending there, I guess you can say it’s one of my favorite places. A new summer in NM is always exciting (and a little nerve wracking) for me. It means:
• New faces
• New Challenges
• A time for growth
• Seeing old friends
• Being exhausted 90% if the time
• Meeting lifelong friends
• Adventures in Santa Fe
• Stretching myself
• Building relationships
• Trying new things

The summers I have spent in Glorieta, NM are some of my fondest memories. I have no doubt this one will be included too.

One Down Five to Go

After 102 workbook chapters, 168 clinical hours, 31 quizzes, 10 exams, and 6 finals, I am DONE with my first semester of nursing school. The fact that I have conquered the first makes me feel a little less nauseous about the next five. The overwhelming feeling of accomplishment now did not come easily. This was of one of the hardest semesters I have ever faced. It wasn’t even the fact that the work was too hard. I think I just got so overwhelmed with all the tasks at hand that I forgot momentarily while I was doing this. Along with the countless skills and facts I learned this semester, I also learned that along with relying on Him, I need to lean on the people who love and care about me. It’s ok to need help and encouragement. So, for all of you who encouraged me to keep going during this semester, thank you! I wouldn’t have made it without all your love and support! Now onto celebrating with a 4 month break before the next semester!