Just Be Mad

I dislike disappointing people. In fact, I loathe it. After I would get in trouble or just do something without thinking when I was little I would ask my mom, “Are you mad at me?” to which she would almost always reply “No”. Then I would proceed with “Ok, well are you disappointed?” You see, in my mind disappointing someone is even worse than having them mad at you. If someone is mad, there is a cause, I did something stupid and need to apologize, fix my actions, and then things generally get better. The anger turns into love, and all seems well again within a period of time (generally speaking). With disappointing someone, I feel that I have genuinely let them down. Naturally there is a cause, but the love part takes a bit longer to achieve. I can try and fix it, but I fear that I have lost a certain amount of respect from that person. When my mom would answer “yes Kelli, but I’m not mad” I would always be heavy hearted and explain that it was worse and I how wished she would just be mad. I fear when I disappoint, I lose credibility and parts of who I am. They know you are better than that. They know your character and that you simply didn’t live up to it.