On Friday afternoon I found out that my grandma was in the hospital. I knew it didn’t sound good, but tried to stay positive. Nothing could have prepared me for how bad it actually was. She wasn’t breathing on her own when she was in the ambulance and was put on a ventilator as soon as she got to the hospital. She got some kind of infection that was taking over her body and immediately started shutting her kidneys down.

Saturday the infection moved up and then she got pneumonia. The doctors told us that it was very unlikely that she would recover and if she did, she would never have the same quality of life. They gave her 2-3 days but said the medications are working against us and she could go any minute.

I decided I wanted to see her Sunday afternoon. It shocked me. I had only seen people on life support on Grey’s Anatomy and ER; it was nothing like that. She seemed so helpless and frail. There was nothing I could do to help her which totally killed me.

By Monday, we wanted some real answers and advice from doctors. They got finally got things moving and decided to do an EEG (which tests brain activity), more CAT scans, and a MRI.

Tuesday we met with some doctors that told us my grandma had suffered numerous strokes. Her brain activity was very low and it was bleeding. Now they said that her chance of fighting this infection was still very slim but if she did she still might not ever wake up, she would be blind, not be able to move her hands, wouldn’t be able to speak, and wouldn’t know who we were. Their suggestion to us was to take her off life support. We gathered everyone at the hospital to say good bye and at 11p.m. they took her off. We thought she’d last around an hour but it quickly became later and later.

Wednesday was very hard. I knew what was coming and yet didn’t want to face it. It was hard to realize that she never got to see my graduation pictures (she wanted a big one), she’d never celebrate Christmas with us (something very special to her), and I would never be able to call her again. I soon found myself at the hospital for over 24 hours, I couldn’t leave. My grandmother finally passed away at 8:30 p.m. on Wednesday night. No matter how much I had tried to prepare myself, it didn’t work. It is still devastating and hurts extremely bad.

Impact

I was thinking the other day about the people who have had impacts on my life: good, bad, whatever. People impact my life in different ways but each one is important. Each paragraph is a different little memo to some of the people who have made some kind of an impact on me.

I think it’s funny how you disliked me when we first met. You’re so unique and always amaze me, hopefully you’ll never stop. I love that people are drawn to you and that you always know exactly what to say. I hope you’re not afraid to be exactly who you are and that you know how much you are loved. Thanks for always being there for me.

We met when I was even crazier than I am now (a junior higher). I attached to you for some reason, but I sure am glad that I did. You quickly became someone I greatly admired. You treated me like I was special (I loved that). We don’t talk as much as we once did, but I am so grateful for the times we do; however, I am open to doing it more often. I still think of you as probably the biggest role model in my life. I cannot put into words how spectacular I think you are. I don’t think you realize how much of an impact you have made on my life, or how incredibly special you are to me. I can see the deep love you have for the people you care about, and can only hope you care about me too. You are truly amazing and I wish I could become half the person you are.

You’ve known me for years and yet you still like me, or so it seems. You understand me or make it a point to even when you don’t. You can tell when I am passionate about something and always encourage me. Your sense humor always keeps me laughing. I love our friendship and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

You don’t sugar coat things, which I love. You always listen. You remind me that you are always here for me when I forget. You seem to understand when I get distracted from life; yet you always welcome me back with a big smile on your face, knowing you were right. Thanks for being so patient with me. Your passion for life is contagious. I pretty much think you rock, thanks for being incredible.

You’ve known me longer than anybody on this list so far. I don’t think you know how much you have always inspired me, or that you have at all. You walk into a room and immediately light it up with the joy you carry in. I wish you saw yourself the way others do.

I’m afraid that our friendship is not going to be as fierce as it once was. It pains me to see you go, and I wish this wasn’t so difficult for me. I know it is best and that I even told you to go, but my world is going to be drastically turned upside-down without you by my side. I love you! Please don’t drift away from me.

Gotta Keep Going

I made it through my first week of school. To be honest, while it was hard to say goodbye to a fantastic summer I was ready to start my senior year-and get it over with too! I had high hopes for my senior year, thinking it couldn’t be as bad as my junior. However, my hopes for it soon crashed as I was in my first two classes. I didn’t know anyone in either of them. It seemed like I was the only one not already apart of these cliques.

I left campus that day remembering how uncomfortable I feel at school and how much I do not like being there. I feel I stick out like a sore thumb. I drove home upset, thinking about how I was going to have another horrible year. Later in the week I started changing my thinking. I thought how I hate being upset and how I could make things better. Well, I didn’t come up with anything other than trying to make the best out this year. I need to focus on all the times that are not so difficult at school. It needs to just be simple for now, nothing extraordinary. It will keep me going.

Note: My First thing to remember is that I get out at 11:25 every other day!