The Edge

With my heart pounding and tears streaming down my face I step to the edge. I get as close to the edge as I possibly can. My toes are curled over trying to see if it’s safe. It’s definitely not. I look for you, and yet, you are nowhere to be found. You said you would be here. I look as far down as I can without falling off, where are you? Should I still go even though I don’t see you? Wiping the tears from my eyes, I begin to back up slowly. I hear you. You’re somewhere but I still cannot see you. It’s hard to hear you with the air rushing past my cheeks. “Go ahead,” you say. I step up to the edge and look for you. I still cannot find you but in the stillness of the wind I can hear your voice. “Jump.” My heart is beating faster and I am frustrated that I can’t see you. I hear your soft voice again “go ahead, jump. I will catch you.” I close my eyes and grit my teeth. I’ve never been so scared in my life. I have so much to gain, but everything to lose. I bend my knees and go for it. I JUMP.

Honestly...

Sometimes I think I made a huge mistake. I was given an incredible opportunity to be an intern at the camp that I fell in love with over the summer. I accepted and then had to decline because it didn’t work out with school. I was upset but knew I had to do it. I returned back home and two short weeks later, moved to Riverside for school. It’s not that I don’t like it here, but sometimes I feel like missed out. I love it here, especially my roommates and friends. They are amazing and I couldn’t ask for better people to have in my life in SoCal. I really am so glad I am here, however, there is still that void in my heart though. I’m so thankful that because of my decline that my roommate Kira got the job. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I think I did the right thing, but the empty part of heart makes me wonder.

'09 Recap

2009 was one of my most challenging years. It started off rough right away. Unfortunate events from 2008 seemed to be putting a hold on anything wonderful that would come with the New Year. I made some very big changes in my life in 2009. I quit going to San Francisco State. I loved the school and atmosphere but nursing was going to be impossible there. I took a semester off school to save money on wasted classes and try to get my life together again. It was one of the most painful times of my life. As agonizing as dealing with life was I knew I could not give up. I searched for new schools and somewhere to begin a fresh start. Summer job applications looked promising and then fell through. Then I was offered a job at a camp in New Mexico. Working and living there is one of the highlights of my life. It is so hard to put into words what and amazing experience it was. I lived on my own for the first time, in a different state nonetheless. I had my first roommate, Kira. I was blessed that she was so awesome and that we got along so well. I had an amazing summer and the most amazing experience of my life. In New Mexico I was able to remember who I am. I really began making moves in my life that seemed like me again. After I got back from New Mexico I moved to Riverside, Ca. Not as glamorous as living at the end of the Rocky Mountains. I began my life as a pre-nursing major where I never ever thought I would even consider going to school, Cal Baptist. It was a rough start with my apartment and whatnot but it all worked out. I now live in a small apartment with 4 amazing girls. I am so lucky to once again have roommates that are so amazing. They seem to get my quirks and even have just as many of their own. I love that they can handle my sense of humor and definitely give me a run for my money. 2009 was an incredibly hard and trying year. Even though there were so many rough points, things like New Mexico seemed to make it so much better. I hope 2010 isn’t as difficult as ’09 but know the small things will make it all worth it. Here we go 2010…