Passion without Action

Part of my passion is seeing the lives of youth (especially girls) be completely and utterly changed by God. I think a part of that is because during my time as a youth in church, my life was constantly all over the place. I pretended to play the church game, and really I had no part in it, and didn’t want to. Quite frankly, I thought a lot of it was stupid. Obviously, my thoughts have changed, but during those times is when I first had my own thoughts about who God was. I was always told I needed to “make my faith my own” and while it took me a long time to get things right, it all started then. Those years were fragile and have made me the person I am today. The leaders I had saw through my naiveté and loved me anyway. They pushed and challenged me. Many of those leaders are people that I still look up to and admire today. They hold a very special place in my heart for. I trusted them because they were once in the same place I was. They listened; they talked, and were there for me.

When I started college at SFSU and lived in my hometown, I helped lead the Jr. High and led a bible study with girls at my church. I loved it. I knew that teaching, investing, and living life with younger girls was a passion I had been given. I felt like I was doing something right, that it was what I was supposed to be doing. I was investing in girls and listened to them, talked with them, just like people had done to me. I was someone who understood the pain that they were enduring and who could tell them that things really do get better, because I was once where they stood. It gave me such energy and joy to see the girls’ lives being changed. I still get joy when I talk to them now. When I moved to Riverside, I obviously had to give that all up. I went from my close group of girls, to nothing, and in all honesty, it sucked. I miss them, I miss being there for them during such crucial years, and I miss helping them learn about the one and only thing that matters in life. I have yet to find a church here where I can really do that, and that frustrates me. I have this passion and I can’t find a place to use it.