I got to go to Disneyland for the last several days, and like most little kids, I think it is pretty much the coolest place ever (Target coming in at a close second). I get giddy waiting to enter the park. I walk through the gates and can’t decide where to go first; however, that dilemma quickly resolves itself. By the middle of the day my face hurts because I can’t stop smiling. Disneyland gives me the opportunity to pretend like I’m always going to be a kid.
This trip to Disneyland, I realized that I’m not always going to be a kid, that I’m growing up, and that my life is changing. No matter how much I don’t want to, I really have no choice. I used to be so ready to grow up, move out, and get on with my life. However, now it scares the pee out of me. Looking at my life changing so drastically in year makes me want to vomit. I’m not saying that I don’t want to graduate from high school (trust me, no one wants to get out of that place as much as I do). I’m scared of the part after high school, where calling up a friend won’t be as easy as saying “see you in about fifteen minutes”, and it will be more like “hopefully we can catch up for a little while around Christmas time”. I’m scared that I’m not ready. Logically, I know that it’s all going to be fine, but for now the anxiety has taken over.
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